Why I Remain Hidden as an Ex-Jehovah’s Witness, and It’s Not What You Think

Being an ex-Jehovah’s Witness is very different than being an ex-Catholic or leaving the Buddhist faith or just not going to your family church anymore. Many ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses walk a virtual landmine of existence after leaving or being disfellowshipped (excommunicated), and many of them, like me, remain anonymous online and elsewhere. We hide behind fake names and profile pictures and remain vague about our location, age, and other details of our identities. Visit any ex-JW Facebook page or website and chances are you’ll see dozens of obvious aliases and fake profile pics.

For most ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses, this is done because of the risk of being shunned by their family. When one of Jehovah’s Witnesses officially disassociates themselves or is disfellowshipped, they are completely shunned by everyone they know who is an active JW, including parents, children, siblings, grandparents, and grandchildren. Friends in the congregation also shun them completely, and this means completely, no matter your relationship to the person; no emails, phone calls, text messages, or any other communication. Many report that after being shunned, they are not invited to their children’s or sibling’s weddings, or are invited but not allowed to speak to anyone, and some also hear about major family events such as a death, wedding, or birth of a child through a third party.

Jehovah’s Witnesses claim on their website that only those who repeatedly break the bible’s moral codes are disfellowshipped, but this is a gross inaccuracy. A person can be disfellowshipped for speaking out against the organization and its policies, for asking too many questions, for associating with those who are disfellowshipped or disassociated, and a list of other supposed crimes against the religion itself. Bill Bowen, a former elder in the religion, was disfellowshipped for disagreeing with their policies and practices on pedophilia, not for any moral crime, and he is just one example of how that can happen.

This is one reason why many who go online stay anonymous, as this allows them to ask questions, get support for their concerns, and speak out against the religion without this threat of being found out by their congregation and subsequently disfellowshipped. They can express themselves without the risk of losing their family.

This Isn’t About Me


While the threat of shunning may be the most common reason for remaining anonymous online, my reason actually has little to do with me. No, I don’t want to be shunned by my siblings, although they rarely talk to me anyway so it’s not that much of a motivation. My mother has never, and I mean never spoken a positive word to me in my life and I refuse to be around her anymore, so in effect, I’m actually shunning her. My stepfather is not a JW and like my mother, has always been abusive and cruel to me, so he’s not part of my life either.

The reasons I stay anonymous really have nothing to do with me personally. If it were my choice, I would “come out” in full force, make public appearances, get more involved with ex-JW movements, and let my voice be heard far and wide. However, the reasons I stay anonymous are actually out of concern for my family and because of their mental and emotional health. I stay anonymous for them, not for me, and I don’t mind saying that this is something you’ll never see or hear about Jehovah’s Witnesses doing. Let me explain.

While my mother has been anything but kind to me my entire life, living with my abusive and violent stepfather also drove her to several suicide attempts and time in psychiatric wards. His explosive temper left her with anxiety, depression, and virtually no self-esteem. She has problems making friends and socializing and is constantly anxious about being around other people. She has few social skills and struggles in those types of settings, has a hard time holding a job, and often feels isolated.

My mother’s only strength in her life is that she identifies as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and this makes her feel good about herself. Yes, my mother’s attitude can be called self-righteousness, but the only time she feels comfortable and secure is when she’s at their Kingdom Hall or with a small handful of other JWs. The only thing that gives her any measure of self-esteem is identifying with the religion and being a part of it.

The Witnesses have fully indoctrinated my mother so that she firmly believes that any day now, any minute now, Armageddon will come and everyone on earth who is not a JW will die a terrible, horrible death. The fact that I am not an active Witness is difficult enough for her to think about on a daily basis, but if she knew that I regularly visited ex-JW sites online and maintained this site myself, or read the words I’ve said about Jehovah’s Witnesses and their policies, I’m quite sure it would push her over the edge mentally and emotionally.

It may be easy to think I’m being overly dramatic, but as said, my mother has attempted suicide many times before and has a long history of using antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications, and is very delicate when it comes to trauma or anything that upsets her small world. Because she so firmly believes that Jehovah’s Witnesses have the only true religion, it’s difficult for her to admit that I’m not part of it in any way; having to admit that I’m actively against it would probably be traumatizing to her, and might upset her long-held beliefs about the religion.

Keeping myself hidden is also done out of regard for my brother and sister, as they too are fully indoctrinated and very involved in the organization. My brother’s wife and her family are active and respected in the religion and my sister’s entire life revolves around her preaching activity, meetings, and friends inside the religion.

If my siblings knew that their sister was an active “apostate” as they like to call ex-JWs, it would no doubt be terribly embarrassing for my entire family. Chances are people ask my brother and sister and my mother about me, and having a family member who has faded from the organization is somewhat shameful, like a turncoat during a time of war. If they realized that I have gone beyond just faded and actively speak out against the Witnesses and their policies, it would probably be mortifying for them.

More Than the Witnesses Have Ever Done

Some don’t have a high opinion of those who hide their real identities online or they may immediately question my real motives, but one thing to think about is that having this consideration for my family is more than I’ve ever seen from Jehovah’s Witnesses themselves. My mother’s depression and anxiety and suicide attempts were the result of being stuck in an abusive marriage, yet my stepfather never put a gun to her head and threatened to kill her if she left. She was always free to leave as far as he was concerned. However, the Witnesses are the ones who told her that she was required to not only stay, but to be more submissive and more loving to the man abusing her. They told her that if she wasn’t an obedient and submissive wife, even to this violent and abusive man, she would no doubt die at Armageddon.

Jehovah’s Witnesses didn’t care at all about how living with this man affected her, even when she was in a psychiatric ward. They didn’t care that their harsh and hateful standards nearly killed my mother, and that she was unable to function on a daily basis without a handful of pills, much less was she healthy and happy. No, they simply decided how she needed to behave and decided what was best for her, and put those demands on her without a second thought. They did the same for me, a child growing up in that household; as I’ve brought out in other posts, they care very little about how domestic violence affects the children in the home. Never, and I mean never, did the elders or anyone in our congregation express any concern for my well-being when I was a child in that terrible situation.

Despite the fact that my family isn’t exactly what you would call loving and close, I just can’t have that same attitude. I can’t thumb my nose at my mother or my siblings and tread all over their feelings and their world without a second thought. This isn’t to say that I won’t one day decide that I need to do what’s best for me and live my life as an ex-JW on my own terms, but for right now, I’m still keeping them in mind when it comes to the decisions I make. Their feelings are still important to me, and taking them into consideration is more than I ever saw from the congregation as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Of course that’s also part of the reason why I’m now an ex-JW, which is oddly ironic, but I’m sure they don’t care about that either.

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30 replies »

  1. I am late to the party, but don’t mind me hehe. I am a student studying with the JW people, I love them so much. I just turned legal not too long ago. Do not be alarmed, I am not here to criticize anyone because I myself am looking for the truth, and trying to learn about what I am getting myself into…
    I would like to begin with my father, he was a student and he loved it. But one day, he just stopped. I don’t know why. I didn’t ask. He only told me, “They are brilliant, but a bit… off with their beliefs.”
    My father loves the JWs very much. However, we stopped having contact with them for a while.
    It wasn’t until I was around 15 or 16 that they came back into my life. I wanted to study with them, because I saw and felt the love these people emitted off. It was wonderful, I felt truly loved and accepted. I attended the meetings and it was wonderful, everyone was so loving. Everyone talked to everyone. My Bible instructors even bought us groceries, and got my grandmother a hearing aid.
    However, as an individual, I have always been very very open minded and curious. So I began asking myself questions… and I began exploring it led me here along with other places… As a result, I was… shocked? I do not even know how to explain how my heart is shredded into pieces… I just want to find the right place… I know the world is imperfect and humans are imperfect… But this has just stunned me. All I want is the truth and everlasting life with God and Jesus… I just want to be close to God and be in his new world. However, the way that you have described it along with the policies I encountered, I don’t know anymore…

    I have a couple of questions I would like to ask:

    1. Does some of the teachings still stick with you? Such as being politically neutral, not celebrating holidays, or birthdays.

    2. I do not mean to pry into your life, but are you attending another church? If so, why did you choose that church?

    3. Again, I do not mean to pry into your life, but the reason why I am asking is because JW points out a lot of stuff that comes from the Bible that literally tells me (or you) to stay away from like: sexual immorality, revealing clothes, and etc. Because, they really follow it and personally I view as good because the Bible instructs to stay away from stuff like that. So, do you still stick to that… code or rule?

    I know I am a little vague, it’s because I am emotionally distraught by all this… I just… really want to the truth and I want to be in paradise one day… Also, I really do love God, but this is just killing me on the inside…

    • Will one of you get this message to Caroline on jwsurvey.
      Due to the fact that they have banned me and truth from the website
      Caroline says its fact that Molech and Jehovah are the same God.
      She says Wikipaedia and Encyclopaedias Britannica have said it is fact.
      Well I’ve got news for her.

      What you fail to acknowledge is that the promoters of the IDEAS that Moloch (Molech) and Yahweh were of the same origin, namely the GERMAN philosophers Friedrich Wilhelm Ghillany and Georg Friedrich Daumer were contributors to the debate raging at that time regarding THE JEWISH QUESTION. A debate that raged throughout 1843-1844

      Here are some samples of their philosophies regarding the JEWS. “They have been an alien, foreign element within Germany for more than a thousand years. “ But it would be best for Europe if they were to emigrate….to Palestine ….or to America.”

      “One should not even avoid a financial sacrifice to have the Jews leave Germany and found a state in their promised land, and so free our fatherland of its foreign element. For it is not only the devout dogma of theirs that alienates them from the German Volk, but the dishonour of the Jewish character in general, that filthy essence of body and soul, that single struggle to gain money at the cost of honour, that selling of everything……….lack of concern for the general good.”

      “I do not conceal it from you that I should like the Germans to learn to be free of a revolting oriental stamp that cannot ever be in accord with the Germanic”






      As regards your third paragraph and Jesus’s role as a mediator I’m not sure what point you are trying to make. But I suppose that again you are showing your ignorance of the truth of the Bible. It points out that Moses was not a mediator between Jehovah and the Whole World at that time. Moses was a mediator of the covenant relationship between Jehovah and the nation of Israel ( fleshly Israel)his chosen people. NOW therefore Jesus is the mediator of the covenant relationship between Jehovah God and “Spiritual Israel” who are the 144,000, a remnant that are on Earth at the moment who form part of the governing body. Remember Jesus on that final night spoke of “covenant for a Kingdom”to his faithful disciples after dismissing Judas. These disciples who Jesus formed an agreement or covenant with (remember as mediator between Jehovah and 144,000) have been ruling in heaven since 1914 onwards as part of 144000 in a co-rulership with Jesus. It’s all been “agreed, signed and delivered” as the saying goes.

      As regards your obsession with 586/587 and your issue with 607 BCE im not going to get drawn into a long drawn out futile exercise in chronology with you as it would take too long. You need to obtain the book SAOC 24. Babylonian Chronology, 626 B.C. – A.D. 45
      BY Richard A. Parker and Waldo H. Dubberstein who I do not believe are Jehovah’s Witnesses. But they are an authority on chronology.
      You really need to also remember that the Jews were in expectation of the Messiah to appear at around the time of Jesus birth, and this expectation was based on their knowledge of the prophecies and chronology in the Bible regarding the Babylonian destruction of Jerusalem in 607 BCE and the prophecy regarding the rebuilding of the temple which the Babylonians destroyed in 607 BCE.

      Of course you couldn’t care less about hell fire, immortal soul or the trinity, and that’s because Jehovah’s Witnesses have proved them to be false and there is nothing you can bring to the table to prove otherwise. If you are going to make any attempt to explain hell fire for example, perhaps you’d care to explain why the Catholic Church appear to be distancing themselves from it. Which is a bit like their apologies for NAZI collaboration – all too late.

      Here’s a scripture for you from the King James Version at Acts 2 verse 31 “ He seeing this before spake of the resurrection of Christ, that his soul was not left in hell”

      The American Standard uses the word “Hades” instead of “Hell” and the Byington version uses the phrase “the realm of death” instead of “Hell”

      So my question to you is being as you are such an authority and you have such a wealth of Christian and bible experience, IF HELL FIRE IS FOR EVIL PEOPLE TO SUFFER AND BE TORMENTED WHY DOES THE BIBLE INDICATE THAT JESUS WENT TO HELL? BUT WAS RESURRECTED AND NOT LEFT THERE?

      I once called on a Muslim who tried to explain to me that depending on the severity of the evil we might commit, then there are different temperatures of the heat in Hell that we will be subjected too.

      The false teaching of Hellfire has led to false offshoots like purgatory and limbo, found in many other religions i.e. voodooists.

      You are wrong to say that the Bible contains contradictions, The Bible contains apparent contradictions, but on closer inspection the apparent contradiction is not rocket science to clear up.

      As you can see the hellfire doctrine is an apparent Bible contradiction and I have given you clues to clear it up, but no doubt you are another person that buries your head in the sand.

      Are you seriously saying that we are taught 200 scriptures to disprove the trinity and hellfire and that it!!! Believe me there are many more than that. You are deluded and I have not seen one scripture that proves hellfire, trinity or immortal soul. Of all the terminology to use to describe the relationship between Jehovah God and Jesus the words Father and Son are used. You expect me to believe that this indicates equality between them. Jesus said the father is greater than I. Jesus said “I do nothing of my own initiative”. Again you are being misled and you are deluded. As an exercise just try reading the 200 scriptures again for yourself, if you have no time to read all the others for now.

      Unfortunately time does not permit me to answer all your other futile attempts to present me with questions that can be easily addressed on the jw.org website.

      Particularly as you should be spending time addressing my challenge to you in my previous blog to you.

      What hope have you got and what hope are you offering to these doomed individuals that frequent this site.



      • What’s with your snobbish attitude? You are a Jehovah witness…right? What superior attitude in your reply. Why don’t you read more on humility and then display that instead of displaying your show off knowledge. Remember my dear…. knowledge puffs up. Isn’t that what the Bible says?

    • Lloyd Evans has become the very thing he despises, “a cult leader”
      His disciples pander to him on jwsurvey, Twitter, YouTube and various other websites and he basks in delusional limelight.
      He has promised his fellow apostates his vision of utopia, a World without the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. He has shared a vision with his followers of a bankrupt organisation brought to its knees by multiple lawsuits, which he guarantees will contribute to the extermination of Jehovahs Witnesses. Get your claims in now, before bankruptcy is the clarion, signal, call from Lloyd Evans.
      Not since Adolf Hitler and the Third Reich has there been such determination by one man to eliminate Jehovahs Witnesses.
      Where is Adolf Hitler?
      Jehovahs Witnesses have faced the threat of extermination by many powerful nations, even American authorities sentenced members of it governing body to jail.
      Canada, South Africa, USSR, Russia, etc etc the list is extensive.

      So now, along with Mr Putin along comes Lloyd Evans and his visions of a bankrupt organisation.

      Lloyd Evans is treading a dangerous path. He has built up such high expectation in the minds of his apostate followers, that they have now put complete trust and faith in his predictions. All the ones who have purchased his book “The Reluctant Apostate” have literally bought into his dreams and have paid an extortionate
      cost for being lured into his vision. They are now going to want to see concrete results and returns for their investment into his ambitious fantasy.
      And there-in lies the problem for Lloyd Evans and his fellow cronies.
      Now that they have put him on a pedestal and believe in him, he has to deliver on a promise that is far beyond his ability and power to fulfill.
      Like all other cult leaders, Lloyd Evans is in a dangerous situation. He will be faced with some difficult decisions, when his scheme falters and his apostate disciples realise that they have been duped.
      Unfortunately for Lloyd Evans, it can be that leaders of cults like the one he has created, or even the followers of the type of cult he has formed do usually end up unstable, crazy, psychopathic, psychotic, severely mentally ill, insane, mad, certifiable, deranged, demented, of unsound mind,not together, crazed, lunatic, unbalanced, unhinged, disturbed, distracted, stark mad, maniac, maniacal, manic, frenzied, raving, distraught, frantic, hysterical, delirious, mad as a hatter, mad as a March hare; non compos mentis; sectionable; crazy, mental, off one’s head, out of one’s head, off one’s nut, nuts, nutty, nutty as a fruitcake, off one’s rocker, not (quite) right in the head, round the bend, raving mad, bats, batty, bonkers, cuckoo, loopy, loony, bananas, loco, screwy, with a screw loose, touched, gaga, up the pole, not all there, not right upstairs, away with the fairies, foaming at the mouth; barmy, crackers, barking, barking mad, round the twist, WACKO

      Contemplate your future, Lloyd Evans, John Redwood, and CovertFade. I always remember the events at Waco as being just a K short of being Wacko.

      I can’t help thinking that someone’s going to get hurt. Will you be the target, by one of your own flock of goats, I wonder? The thing is you will have disappointed them so badly, so it will comes as no surprise.

      Please review the following examples of cults and their leaders and how they normally end up, which I hope will assist you in your decision making, although I do feel that it’s too late. You have let the demons out of the bag, and you have only yourselves to blame.

      The lesson for you and others ( like your predecessors and current oppressors like Putin e.g. )is that there is no person or other, no man or organisation or anyone, anywhere in the Universe or anywhere else that can defeat Jehovah’s people or the work that He has given them which is to preach the Good News of The Kingdom.
      And now you will be having to deal with the consequences of your own stubbornness of failing to realise that.

      Hope you Enjoy the following, Lloyd, John and CovertFade
      1. Cult leader Jim Jones and the People’s Temple. Jonestown In Guyana, Jim orders all his followers to drink Cyanide and 914 die as a result.
      2. Cult leader Joseph Kibweteere of The Movement for the Restoration of the Ten Commandments of God . In March 2000 over 500 cult members gather inside a church, and it’s deliberately burst into flames, killing everyone inside. A few days after the fire, authorities discovered hundreds more bodies at various sites associated with the cult, the victims of poisoning, strangulation, and/or stabbing. According to The New York Times, the official police report concluded that 778 people died in the tragedy.
      3. Cult leader Charles Manson, The Manson Family, ideas from Scientology and Satanism. Wanted war against authorities. So in August 1969, Manson ordered a twin set of killings to instigate the battle, including that of film director Roman Polanski’s pregnant wife, Sharon Tate, and supermarket executive Leno LaBianca.
      4. Cult leaders Joseph di Mambro, Luc Jouret influenced by British occultist Aleister Crowley, Founded in 1984, The Knights Templar was a rich and powerful military order sanctioned by the Roman Catholic Church and tied to the Crusades of the Middle Ages. The Ordre du Temple Solaire was a shadowy cult that believed the Knights Templar still existed in hiding. Ten years later, the highly secretive group turned deadly. In October 1994, they murdered a three-month-old baby of one of its members, an infant whom they believed to be the Antichrist. Soon thereafter, a wave of murder and apparent mass suicide swept through its ranks in Western Switzerland and Quebec. In Switzerland, the victims were found with bags over their heads and they had been shot. The bodies were arranged in a circle, and they were wearing ceremonial robes.
      In total, about 30 people were shot and 15 ingested poison

      5. Cult leader David Koresh, Branch Davidians in Waco Texas. Authorities launch a final assault on their Waco Centre, and 80 Branch Davidians died in the blaze, including 22 children under the age of 17.

      6. Cult leader Shoko Asahara of the Aum Shinrikyo Cult. Founded by Shoko Asahara in 1984,He used Buddhism as a base belief system and incorporated doctrines from the Christian Book of Revelation, Hinduism, yoga, and Nostradamus—with the intent of “restoring original Buddhism.”
      In 1995, the cult ordered the release of sarin gas into the Tokyo Subway, killing 12 commuters. All trails led back to Asahara, where the police found live captives, chemical devices, and enough poisonous gas to kill millions of people.
      Asahara was arrested and jailed, though his ideas live on (albeit in a less deadly form)

      7. Cult leaders Marshall Applewhite and Bonnie Nettles of the Heavens Gate Cult. In 1997, the founders told the followers that a spaceship was trailing a comet. Those who followed them into death would be saved from the great recycling. And so, 38 people were ordered by Applewhite to commit suicide in order to board the spaceship.

      Etc Etc. The list is quite extensive, the list goes on and on. There are many many other examples.

    • I feel your pain. I was raised a Jehovahs witness and to be honest hated it. Left when I was 16yrs old because I didnt agree with a few things and didnt really understand at the time. My girls would go sometimes with my mother. We moved to Ky in 1999 and in 2001 when 911 had happened I was pregnant with my 3rd child, my son due anyday . I became horrified and scared for my children thinking they were gonna die. So he was born 9 days after 911. 5months after that I waa studying with the witnesses. I became obsessed with learning. My house looked like study hall. I seen things in the bible gor myself thru my personal studys. I remembered my instructor told me to not only ask questions but to always research it yourself, and believe me I did because as a child I grew up old southern baptist because my moms grandpa, her dad and a brother were all preachers. She became a JE when I was 8 and my dad was in prison for being with a man who slit another mans throat, so while he was in prison one of my mothers brothers was married to a witness and she studied with my mom. I hated the religion as a child. But when I started back as a adult I loved it. My children were great kids very respectable. So after seeing how my children done in it, I seen they had felt very differnt than I did at that age. Plus all the research I had done made me feel this was the true religion. I decided it was time for me to get baptised. This was the biggest step in my life because as a child I would never commit to a religion due to growing up as a JW. But while studying to be baptised I almost backed out because I was afraid I didnt know enough about Jehovah and was scared I couldnt live up to hid standards, because one of the things that I didnt understand was disfellowshipment but I knew it destroyed families because of the no contact with a them after they are shunned. My instructor told me that I would never be baptised because you vould never learn all there is in alife time because new things come to light. So I went and done it. I was a JW for 11yrs, some of the best times in my life Im not gonna lie to you. Until my oldest daughter turned 22 and left the religion after being baptised for about 5 yrs. I was strong in the beginning but when she became pregnant by the guy she is still with today and now shares 2 children my grandchildren, I couldnt do it. I was getting mixed information from elders on my relationship with my grandbabies. Had a elder tell me that there was no reason why I couldnt have a relationship with them babies just whatch my time spent with my daughter. Then in a meeting with 4 elders I was told by 3 that I could and one said absolutely not. That was confusing me cause once this elder spoke up it changed the others opinion in my book. I took myself out. I had already lost my daughter and a sister from the religion and I was betrayed by the very ones I trusted in the religion. The female instructor and her husband who is a anointted one. After all the hurt and pain I was caused no one came to my aid until I hadnt been at the hall for like 6 months then sister would stop by knock and leave when I didnt answer. Even had one write me a letter telling me I should be ashamed not answering the door. By then I was totally done. Believe me I loved being a JW and I would at the time stand my ground gor my faith. But I started seeing things differently. Started noticing how they would speak about those who dont accept the lititure, even heard one sister tell someone who tried to give her some of their religious material tell them when they can get out and go door to door and gind her home lime she fid them that only then would she take it. I have seen and heard alot of things and at it has taught me is, in every religion you will find faults in all its members because we are imperfect humans. Mankind seeks to find that but is that possible in this wicked world? Theres good and bad in all religions they all have their own ideals about how the bibles message is to be understood. Some right some wrong. The same instructor who crushed everything I believed in did tho give me some good advice thru the yrs as I have shared and one of the last thingd dhe said before we were not friends is, sharon after Armageddon your gonna be shocked, there will be people there that you would not think would be and there will be those who you just knew would but wont be. That made alot of sence to me cause its not for humans to say or judge another human as to life or death because that belongs to Jehovah God himself. You want the truth, you search for it you pray and beg for it and Jehovah God Will give it to you. No matter what religion you are he loves us all, the whole purpose for his sons sacrifice. I still have a daughter who is in it and both my sisters and mother and a few more who are still in the religion and no I dont have any contact with them not even my babygirl and Im telling you its the most miserable feeling to feel. Dont make your choice on what others tell you because this is about your relationship with God. No one has to answer for you but you when it comes to God. The bible says to put your trust in him, but it also says to beware of noble men so dont take everything you hear as truth without researching it yourself. I love Jehovah and let me tell you other religions are now calling upon Jehovah as their heavenly father almighty God. Jehovah knows everything and sees everything, it does not go unnoticed the love you show him. Just because I am no longer a Jehovahs witness doesnt mean I no longer love Jehovah. I cant say these other people are lying about JW because I donot know what all they have experienced with them but I can say I know some of it is true because I went thru similar things with the religion. Dont be jumping into it without reseaching the religion and its beliefs and also things you hear first. I wish you the best on your journey to finding what your looking for…

  2. to the anonymous writer: So many jw sit on the fence and do not want to get in “trouble” so they hide who they really are in order not to get disfellowshiped. In saying that, I do not believe that ppl who disguise themselves (on the internet or in their daily lives) can really link themselves with being an ex jw. It really seems it is more like an excuse so you can sit on the fence and enjoy both worlds… not disappointing anyone in your “circle” and keeping them and yourself “happy”. well I hope you get the courage to be yourself and not let anyone depict who you are and what you should do… BE FREE

    • Yes I am now free. None of my children were baptized, thank Jesus for that. I remember the phrase sitting on the fence when I was in the cult. Peace and love to you. Now we have Jesus and they can not take him away from me.


    • Its not easy just look at the sister cult Church of Scientology committing many crimes just as JWs and getting away with it, but the time is coming for them all to be put under the spot light, they have programmed the minds of many.

  3. I left when I was 20. I was essentially born into the religion. I went through a traumatic self destructive phase after leaving which lasted around a decade. Growing up, I noticed various inconsistencies within the organization’s doctrines, but I suppose, didn’t have the internal strength at the time to really acknowledge them, other than to occasionally think to myself “thats weird” then get distracted by something else. Shortly after I left, I knew that I needed to experience life in order to know how to live it. Unfortunately, I had absolutely no idea how to do this. I was so afraid, and still feared Armageddon. Basically, things were sadly very wrong in my life from the get go and in my family. So for the last ten years I’ve been a sitting duck for any old abuser/s to take advantage, being so emotionally underdeveloped, naive, sheltered, alone, afraid. I have been isolated for the vast majority of my life, alienated. I realise now that up until last year I still bore the guilt of leaving the organization, of not living up to wts/family’s standard of “perfection”, and would do what I could, without comprising my ideals. It was a balance that I could never succeed in. I stumbled quite by accident on the scandals and controversies surrounding the organization. For the first in my life I was compelled to do independent research on wts. While it validated my thoughts, feelings, perceptions all these years, it opened my eyes, and I felt terror. I am the only one in my family that is not a witness, never baptised. But that actually doesn’t make much of a difference once you take the stance I have. I cannot unknow what I now know. My heart goes out to my mother truly. She is under immense strain in many ways, and is isolated so she cannot seek help. Like the article, the only self worth she derives is from identifying with jw’s, and the watchtower is sucking the life out of her with its unreasonable demands. She won’t leave. She is a woman of strength, loyalty and integrity. And wts uses this to their cruel advantage with millions. And now she CAN’T talk to me anymore. The rest I don’t really give a shit about, but my heart breaks for my mother. And her first grandchild is soon on the way…. Its truly not fair. I’m so hurt.

  4. I was abused by my own father, a presiding overseer elder in the congregation, and the other elders knew my mother & I were being abused. I relive the trauma even as an adult in my 30’s. It had a direct impact on my future life. Yet my father and his 2nd wife say he had no impact on my mental health. This from the 2nd wife that was abised and we still have pictures of her with bruises, she called the police numerous times but my dad always got off on charges. He got off on child pornography possession charges. Yet he has not been disfellowshipped from the congregation. He isn’t active but he is still a baptized one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. And he is still preying on the vulnerable (single moms with little girls). The WTS doesn’t care! I contacted them many times by phone and letter and they treat me like I’m crazy. I’m not crazy! Even children’s aid has record of me being abused when I was very young – being beat by a leather belt until I was bloody and black and blue and then being forced to be bathed by my father in steaming hot water when I was 10 years old as he touched and watched me. He was an elder then. The WTS and other organized religions need to be held accountable if they are not addressing issues that come up in their congregations. They need to listen to their congregates, to report child abuse, and put out those predators!!!!!!! Lives are being ruined because of secrecy!

    • Wow I’m really sorry that you had to experience that abuse Rebecca. You’re right on every point. Horrific. Well done to you for speaking up. You sound like a very strong woman now. All the best to you xo

  5. I feel your pain and I sent this to my family so they could see in summmary what they missed (over 7 years in a Nutshell!

    Please share the video!!!!

    • I loved your video! I related completely! It is a sad situation for sure but you are now building your own family just as I have. I wish for you a life of love, forgiveness, freedom, and a spiritual path toward a Higher Power of your own understanding.

  6. Hello. I understand completely where you are coming from and I sympathize with you. Hope your mother is doing ok. My husband and I left the organization after 30 years. My husband was an elder. His father (now dead) was a self confessed child molester to his own daughters and granddaughter. When the granddaughter told what grandpa was doing to her, he denied it and said she was too sexually knowledgeable for her age (around 5). The elders met, decided to disfellowship, but at the last minute chose to privately reprove him. We left, our four children left and many other members of this family. We do not go to church regularly. We went occasionally but my husband does not trust organized religion. As an elder he learned all the tricks of their dealings. Please know that we understand your situation and stand behind your decision.

  7. Hi all. Thank you for sharing. Been there. I left 25 years ago at 19 and Tried for years after to keep a relationship with my family. It just proved impossible. No matter what one does tjeu are always right. It was making physically ill just having to.keep.listening to their preaching the self righteousness the constant complaining about their misserable existence. Eventually I had to do what was right for me. I still sometimes think about them because really its such a waste of energy, of emotion of time if life basically. May you be given the strength to endure. Take courage in the fact that you have not walked this path alone. And yes I am using my real name because f@€k em.

  8. I totally understand where you are coming from. I intentionally put myself on a path toward disfellowshipping 30 years ago but it has taken me until now to be able to talk and write freely about my experience and my thoughts about being one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Through the years I have had “light” contact with one of my parents and several siblings that are still active members of the organization but I know that has or will come to an end. I’ve been in fear of my Witness relatives having any idea that I didn’t believe it was still “the truth” despite my separated state. I fear no more. I know there are likely millions like us out there that need someone to talk to, to commiserate with, to empathize with. I’ve started my own blog site to share my stories and thoughts with the hope that others will feel free to share too, but alas I know so many will choose to remain quiet and anonymous. I’m glad I found this site. Keep sharing, and maybe someday we can all live out in the open as a free and open society of people in our own right. My site is https://separatedfromtheflock.wordpress.com if you would like to take a look.

  9. Being bought up from the age of 6 as a JW , I left home at 17 to escape the rigid and unreasonable expectations to not conform to the “system” as it was in the early 70’s. Although a very bright student I was told that university was not an option as Armageddon was coming in 1975. My siblings including my twin sister who remained in the org shunned me and continue to do so. This has caused me a lot of trauma and affected my decision making processes so much that at the age of 59 I am only just coming to terms with myself. I don’t think I will ever get over the feeling of guilt that was instilled in me as a child.

  10. I completely understand. After 15 years I still use a pseudonym even though my parents know that I left they still can’t believe I quit believing. For any of my family to read my social posts would cut off the few who still communicate with me.
    ​“The most useful piece of learning for the uses of life is to unlearn what is untrue.” ~ Antisthenes

  11. After being raised a JW by a devout believer, I chose to leave the religious and thus was “disassociated.” My mother and sister, pious that they were, immediately shunned me, as per JW doctrine. In so doing, almost four decades later, they have also lost out knowing my child and grandchildren. The JW relatives would have been toxic for the rest of us, though, so it worked out in our favor. 🙂

  12. Just finished reading two books on the Jehovah’s Witnesses that are the best I’ve ever read, couldn’t put them down. I thought you might be interested in reading them:

    Jehovah’s Witnesses, What Lies Behind The Truth

    The Watchtower Society, Organizational Misbehavior

    Both books are by Gabriel H Ibarra. You can buy them only on Lulu.com. Type the name of the author. Excellent books. You’ll never regret reading them, worth every penny. Pass the word or forward this email to those you think might be interested.

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